Evile Infecting Nations 2010 tour. Saarbrucken.

I get up before everyone today, what with my early, sober night last night. Everyone except Arie it turns out, who is outside scuffling around when I go out there to begin in earnest another unhealthy smoking day. I get all my shit together that I will need for the day and hang out with Steve 2 for a bit before hitting the laptop to get some writing down. Joel comes out and we venture in to the venue to have some quality toilet time in a toilet you can actually fully use, only to be greeted by a massive Doberman cross puppy. Its paws are fucking huge man!

Ana the puppy Doberman is the most adorable little dog to have confront you at a club ever. Awww bless her, she loved getting a fuss!

Once in the venue officially, I get soup and bread and shower and write to my family. You know, I’m fine, haven’t been gang raped by the bands, and am eating, am not on skag blah blah blah!

This venue is tiny, so we will be rammed tonight, and my merch stand is taking up half the sodding venue! Oh well! I am sharing my stand with a local band that go by the name of Godslave, by the time I have finished hanging everything, there really isn’t much room for them. Again, oh well! Their merch is rad, I’ll give them that, band fucking sucked balls though.

By the time doors open, I have had a beer but no time for dinner. Although I do get upstairs and get some to put in the dressing room for later. Adam, my fave from Warbringer, comes soon after I start and The Fading are on, to cover me so I can go eat and have a smoke. Yup, we are back in the land of no smoking in doors. Urgh. I have a cig’ with Laux and try and send some work related emails, but to no avail. Tis very frustrating not being able to get information to people who are waiting and relying on it. This tour has been a scary wake up call as to how dependent I am on the Internet. I can’t get any fucking emails sent, any photo’s uploaded or any blogs up. Fuck it, it can die.

I catch the last of The Fading, the crowd isn’t moving much but the merch sales are really impressive so who the fuck knows? This is supposed to be the Motherland or Fatherland or something right? What’s wrong with these people? It’s a really tough crowd. They are boring the shit out of me. Even Warbringer can’t get them going. No circle pit tonight. Warbringer does seem more popular for merch here. Evile is strong too on the ol’ merch sales so I chill a bit and go for a smoke when Adam comes back to rescue me. About 5 minutes after I’m back I unfold the bottom blank bit of my sales sheet and find that Adam has drawn a little character of me! Awwww bless him; see why he’s my fave? Very thoughtful man right there, of everyone around him.

The crowd tonight is boring the shit out of me; Laux tells me later that it was too packed and boiling hot for them to pit it. I don’t buy that although I do feel guilty for a bit. I have to say this, as gay as it is. I feel incredibly privileged and honoured to be on tour with these guys, to know that some of them will end up as long time friends and that I’m part of the team, when I see them up on stage. They are a very talented bunch of fuck ups and I am a lucky girl to be able to muck about with them everyday. Of course, they are lucky fucking bastards too, they got the mighty me! Physc!

Anyway, I digress. Where was I? Oh yeah. Tonight is shit boring the shit out of me. I guess the Germans are very reserved though? I don’t even fucking care at this point, I’m too tired to care. God, I am n such a wanky mood tonight! And, my spandex clad legs look like fat blubbery seals bickering over a streak of sun. I have got to stop eating as much while I’m not at home. I’m eating the same amounts but because I’m not doing any exercise, I’m piling on the pounds.

So finally the crowd are in to it, singing along, chanting etc. Another Metallica cover and we are done. I get packed up quick smart and go upstairs to finish my dinner and attempt to use the net again. No joy there, so I hang in Evile’s dressing room and piss about with Ol and Joel, pretending to exercise with Ol while Joel films the whole sorry mess. Did I mention that one of the things on Evile’s rider is a poster of the cast of Baywatch. Today we have the walls covered in pictures of David Hasslehoff in various poses and states of undress. There’s even a pic’ of him naked with two puppies strategically placed on his nether regions, which just makes him look like he’s practicing acts of bestiality. So we do some sit ups and that, and Ben shows me his hilarious stick men drawings that he does on his laptop when he’s bored, all good times!

Bus call forces me in to blog writing mode, up the front of the bus. Along with this, Lyall and me get the new European sales sheets for Evile and Warbringer done, currency changes and all. Who have I got here with me? We got Ol, and then Kevill joins Adam, then Laux, and then us. And the vodka is out. What convo’s did we get under our belts that night? Well, I bought some pretzels and found some dib dab sherbet bags that I got as a pressie for the cool crew. Although it should be noted that the illustrated kids on the front of these bags are well hot and not childlike at all? Go figure.

Ben comes and joins us and the gang of us cover semen piss? / Favourite films / thrash now compared to back then, i.e. Metallica, Slayer / the ‘put the lotion in the basket’ part in Silence of the lambs and finally Adam comes up with a great idea, tour wipes! We have got to get them made, for all your cleaning necessities! Other topics were covered but shall never be spoken of again, partly because I can only vaguely remember them and partly because they would get us in a lot of trouble and or be highly frowned upon!

Poltergeist is put on downstairs but I can’t be arsed, tis bunk time for me.

Evile Infecting Nations 2010 tour. Prague.

So I wake up feeling a bit ropey right, no worries, not unheard of. Fuck that anyway, I’m am mega excited about today, we are driving through the Czech Republic to play in Prague! I have wanted to come to Prague for fucking ages, so I get up quick smart and join Arie and Joel to watch the world go by at the front of the bus.

I am feeling slightly concerned with regards to last night, there is a definite blank spot near the end when I can’t recall a thing. Never a good sign that, never. Hopefully I wasn’t too loud and obnoxious, I didn’t wake Joel and he sleeps above me so I can’t have been that bad. I did wake up with a bin outside my bunk though, so you know, the jury is still out.

The Czech police pull us over at a service station, which is kinda unavoidable when you’re a massive tour bus with U.K plates. They want them some money bruv! I seen this in The Long way round so was quite excited by the whole thing. They took Steve our driver in to their van to haggle over how much money they could get out of him, 200 Euros I believe. Anyway, during all of this, I’m still sat up front feeling like death warmed up, and finally have to give in. I can’t stay on the bus anymore. It’s time to spew. I scramble off the bus and make it to the toilets just in time.

Bad roads and snow make the following 2 hours of that drive utter fucking hell for me. I sit up the front with Ben and Joel, trying not to listen to them rabbiting on about local Czech delicacies like deep fried cheese and stuff. The windows on the bus are filthy and we can barely see out, but as we near Prague, a valley down below us, the sun shines down on it, the first time we have seen it in about a week. I feel kinda happy at the moment but don’t dare get all excited for fear of puking.

As soon as the bus stops outside the venue, I run out and hit the toilet with furious, angry vomiting. 3 vomits later and I walk out to where everyone’s loading covered in sweat and shivering. This is not a fucking hangover. This is an avalanche of illness from my body packing up and leaving me. So lets have a look. Throughout the gig last night I had two vodka and mixer. On the bus watching Ghostbusters I had two more and some Jager. Ill, that does not make me. I had eggs at a service station last night with Steve the driver and Laux, but if it was that I would’ve chucked straight away. Diagnosis? I have been drinking heavily every night, bar two for the duration of this tour. My body fucking hates me. It hates me and it wants me to suffer for the brutal beating I have inflicted on it. Another vomit later and I’m defeated. I get it, time to bring it back down to 7.

I manage to eat some ready salted crisps and keep the second packet down, unlike the first, along with a cup of tea. I’m fucking shaking badly and it is such a mammoth task to set that fucking merch stand up. On top of this I have to do new labels and work out price changes for my new currency. Urgh. FML. Pizza is today’s dinner, I can’t face it yet so keep on my stall away from hungry men.

Surprisingly, I start selling as soon as doors open. This is unexpected. People round here don’t have much cash and all the bands have been saying to me all day that there is no point even setting the stand up, which did wonders for the state I was in. Thoughtless bastards. Having said that, they do check in on me regularly and I start eating my pizza, slowly but surely. It’s better working when you feel this rough ‘cause you don’t have time to dwell on your pain! I have to get to the toilets a lot that night. That was bad times right there.

Some guy tried paying me in U.S dollars, which made my night, how fucking dodge man, I came across illegal U.S dollars! Love it. The crowd is filled entirely with men, there must be like 6 girls including me and the barmaid in the whole place, which would be rad ‘cept the dudes are all older and stuck in an Eighties mullet world. They are obsessed with taking photo’s of the bands, the band members with themselves, getting autographs and guitar picks and drumsticks and so on.

I have a great idea for a short story. About a man who was the king of the metal social scene back in the Eighties but is now an aging computer analyst. So he sells up and takes his metal possessions to the Czech Republic, where the Eighties have only just started. Here he can strut around, mullet and all and be King forever more!

Then I throw up. No, I’m joking, I’m all vom’d out. Here’s how it goes on these here gig nights of ours. The Fading gets the crowd from walking corpses to fist pumping, head banging Metal worshippers. Warbringer gets them from fist pumping, head banging Metal worshippers to a frenzied, sweaty swell of Thrash madness and by Evile they are warmed up, ready to be taken in to absolute destroyed Thrash mayhem. Great success!

The Fading get the star treatment at the merch stand, as do Warbringer, and Evile can’t even get there, they are cornered on the stage by the frenzied crowd. I can’t help but smile whenever these bands are on, they are so fucking entertaining. Warbringer out right make me laugh. Laux was shredding away on his guitar and the guys in front of him all had they’re arms stretched out, air shredding at him. One guy was watching his fingers go and looked like he was about to internally combust with the sheer speed. We get mosh pits, the lot. Fantastic audience participation and the kids are stage diving throughout. Fuck man, I want to be in a band!

I think that I really should have flyers for my blog site on these merch stands and Lyall says we can knock up some on our laptops and print them off ready for another day, which is awesome.

Paul from The Fading hangs out with me on the stand and tells me about the friends he has lost in Tel Aviv to suicide bombers. These kids who are at house parties and someone walks in and blows them up. Jesus fucking Christ, it’s intense, I can’t even begin to imagine what that’s like. The closest thing we have were the IRA and I nor they, or any other bombings ever directly effected none of my friends.

Because of the way the venue is set up, I get to watch Evile from the side of the stage and even get to film bits, although my camera was not designed for this so the sound is utter trash. I can’t take photo’s ‘cause I’m still shaking, Prague fucking loves it! An awesome night, not bad merch sales at all and after I packed up I even got a chance to wash my spandex in the sink! Nic is on top comedy form all night and entertains me throughout with stupid white boy dancing and general fucking around being a silly sausage! Adam cheers me up to when he tries to take some photos but they come out blurry, thank god it’s not just me. Misery loving company and all.

By the end of Evile’s set, a guy has jumped on stage and grabbed the mic and is leading the rest in a chant of more, more, more. Here’s the thing. Evile are basically a new band in respect of having just found Joel and only having three weeks to practice with him. They don’t have endless songs, and after an hour set they are pretty much all out. Bring on Metallica cover time! They cover ‘Creeping Death’ and the crowd loves it, singing along and pumping their fists. Ol is shredding away and the mood in the room is electric. I have the best job in the fucking world moment and beam at the craziness in front of my eyes. Adam is keeping me amused informing me that he thinks I should be working the stand dressed like a mighty Valkari. Evile finally make it over for more photos and signings and eventually I can pack up, sort out the money and call it a night. I get 1000 Koruny for my trouble, which is this great purple note, buy a bad sausage I end up throwing, do some writing and hit my bunk. Today was pretty brutal. Still, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Evile Infecting Nations 2010 tour. Aarau.

Opening the curtain in my bunk, I get blinded by the bright white light to the point of getting a migraine, Snow! Fuck yeah! Have to stay in bed for half hour with my eyes shut and chill to get rid of the distortions going across my eyes but then I’m up asap and changed, barrelling off the bus with a smoke in my mouth to lob some snowballs around. I nearly get Arie from the Fading in the face, score!

The venue today, here in beautiful Aarau, Switzerland is out of this world outstanding. Yet again, we are getting treated like royalty ‘cause Europe does it better. Wicked dressing room has a huge room attached with bunk beds in it and everything! There’s a fucking Mac there for us to use, we pretty much all got laptops but still, how thoughtful. Everything we might need or want, at our fingertips. And the staff? So fucking helpful and pleasant. Damn we have got a lot to be learning from these Euros I tell you. Hospitality reigns supreme.

I put ‘Bad News’ on play on my laptop and we all have some laughs while setting up our all our personal shit. I send emails, do spreadsheet work, upload photo’s, answer emails, change currencies with the venue from Euros to Swiss Francs, write out new price stickers and then fuck off in to the venue to set up the merch stand. Get changed, go grab dinner in the canteen, cooked and laid on for all the bands and staff! Right!? Bish bash bosh all over the shop.

The doors are open and the first band on is local, and not my cup of tea at all. Might go as far as saying they were shit? One of them was wearing a fitted football shirt? Call me shallow but this isn’t band rehearsal love, your getting to open for some pretty awesome bands, make an effort why don’t you. The lighting man is way too trigger happy on the ol’ buttons, which is a shame because he had potential to be great. I’m trying to get used to the new money by the time the Fading have finished and come to hang with me. We are selling well, all three bands and all is good in the land of us.

I’m still not bored of watching The Fading, they rule, they truly do. The strangest thing happened during their set though, check this. The sound woman, who looks like a Librarian, walks on stage in the middle of a song after Ilia points to monitor problems. She’s there, standing behind him trying to listen like there isn’t a fucking metal show going on! It was so surreal I laughed myself stupid. She was up there for ages, Ilia and the rest of the band were all like what the fuck with their faces, comedy value full throttle. I have never in my life seen a sound person do that.

The audience are proper stiff, and the stage is really wide, so Ilia is all over it. By the time they finished the crowd is chanting for more. Weird that, when they didn’t fucking move during the set. Guess they were just taking it all in. I am blind by this point from the strobe lights, nice one lighting man. Dick.

By the time I come back up from hanging wet laundry out, Warbringer have got themselves a crowd surfer! Good job! There is actually not enough people for crowd surfing but if your hearts in it and your 5 friends are willing, you away. And leave it to Kevill to get a circle pit going. He is off the stage and down on the floor moshing with the crowd and by the last song there is an almighty circle pit going fast and strong, fuck, Warbringer is awesome. The room are chanting for more so they do a one-song encore, Adam drops a heavy guitar solo and Kevill admits that he is wasted and pours a beer over his head.

Down on the stand, Kevill forgets himself and flashes my boob. See I have on a lace leotard under one of the bands T-shirt with the arms cut off really low, so you can see some side cleavage. For some bizarre reason Kevill thinks it’s O.K to pull my t-shirt to the side. No one saw; thank god, and Kevill got bitch slapped. He apologises and it’s all over. He really is pissed bless him, the next thing out of his mouth was “It’s party night….are you ready to watch the end of The Last Crusade?!” Ermm…yeah, no I’m gonna turn that one down and maybe self harm up the front of the bus instead love. These two boys ask to have their photo taken with me, maybe someone did see the boob flash? And Evile starts their set.

There is a circle pit on the first song, Infected Nations! You can’t fucking hear Matt though ‘cause soppy tart sound woman is still fucking around with god knows what. They get a stage invasion and halfway through the set, there is still a circle pit. A fucking killer set, which I spent a lot of doing a stock, check of what Evile merch I have on the stall. Which was fucking redundant because I was so busy enjoying Evile that I forgot to update it when I sold stuff. What an idiot.

There is no way on Gods green earth that our sopping wet laundry is going to be dry by bus call, bring on the horrible pissy dried too slow smell, Yay!. I have no time for a shower either so another day of wet wipe washing is upon me. Touring really is not for the faint hearted or picky. It’s basically festival living for six weeks. Some guy keeps coming back to the stand to chat me up, says I remind him of Pandora? Don’t know what the fuck he is on about, but I smile sweetly and decline his generous offer to stay and live with him in Switzerland. Why are they never hot or the ones you fancy?

I get a total strop on now because it’s quick load out time to meet an early bus call. I am getting rush rush rushed and not enjoying it one bit. I am not packing up the fucking stand when I’m still selling, that’s just not gonna happen. By the time I get to the bus I am mega wound up over the nights happenings. I’m still bummed out over Kevill flashing me, shows a complete lack of respect when I thought I fit in as one of the boys and I had to rush packing up which means it’ll be a total chore unpacking tomorrow.

I feel really fucking ill, so watch Ghostbusters with a bunch of the guys and have some Vodka and Jager to relax, but by the end of Ghostbusters, I’m in my bunk with a bin next to me feeling like I might vom’ any minute. Joy. I’m not even drunk.

Evile Infecting Nations 2010 tour. Kerkrade.

I remember the first time I watched Spinal Tap. I was really young and my brother was laughing all the way through it and so I laughed when he laughed ‘cause I didn’t get any of it. In fact it bored the shit out of me. I was super young and had no knowledge of music and bands and the comedy was too grown up for me to understand. Tonight we lived through our own Spinal Tap night and this time I got it. What a funny, fucked up, fucking night!

I wake up literally at load in time, I am dying inside with hangover and dehydration. Living in this bus means I am living with 16 men, cramped conditions for one long arsed stretch of time. So first things first when you wake up after a particularly laree night of debauchery, apologies for being noisy to everyone. Urgh. Repeat to self, you not in the band, you are with the band. Turns out no one heard me or gave two shits and there were a few others feeling pretty ropey too! Win!

The venue fed us the most delicious Chinese, which I had to eat slowly over the course of the night what with my body being in such a wrecked state and all. It was mighty pissed at me and I didn’t trust it to not get me back for abusing it so mightily last night. The staff were fucking cool as cool can be, what with getting to be born and raised in Holland. The Dutch are all cool as cool can be, I’m totally proud to be a half breed of them!

I chop up the Fading’s new T-Shirt they got, a classic white with thrash illustration on the front which goes some way in cheering me up. Until I have to leg it to the toilet to get some privacy while I get bitch slapped every which way but Sunday by my angry insides. Me and my insides have officially fallen out, they can’t look at me they’re too angry. Oops.

My tiny little merch area in this tiny little venue gets set up very slowly and quietly and feeling really ill, I do myself up in an attempt to not look as bad as I feel. Blow-drying your hair upside down is not good times when you’re hung over. Got that shit down, being the pro that I am and get back to the stand as the doors open.

Nothing happens. No one walks in. I’m in place, the barman is in place, the ticket lady is in place. Nothing. Half and hour later. Two people. Everyone is looking at each other with their mouths and eyes open wide in a ‘wtf’ expression, slight bewilderment and humour. I say everyone; I mean the handful that was there.

Funny thing is, the Fading guys, who are about to go on, watched Spinal Tap for the first time last night, and now here we are, smack bang in the middle of our own Spinal Tap moment. You have to laugh man, it was fucking ridiculous. Of course we are stressed about the obvious lack of money that will get earned tonight but it’s still really fucking funny.

The Fading start their set like true professionals minus the bouts of laughter and sniggering come from them throughout, especially when Ilia asks the crowd to pump their fists in the air, he cracks up as all, I don’t know, six of us, start pumping our fists and shouting in time with him.

I take the time to look through our Tour Itinerary book, which we have now received and everyone has been having a chuckle at. I can see why, our European booking agent has had a field day writing it! The ‘Rules’ page is off the fucking hook. It covers stealing each other’s riders and therefore asking for a war that he will not believe, “Do not tease the animals”. Stuff about not attempting to bring illegal substances across the national borders. That if you bring girls on the bus, they must have I.D and “Dr Lyall George” must give them a “venereal health check” first! Ha! Awesome.

So we can smoke in here, even when the doors are open?! Although you would think that this fucking rules big time, it actually kinda doesn’t. See, I can’t enjoy my smokes ‘cause I keep thinking I’m going to get told off for smoking inside. Plus the smell is over whelming. It’s getting in my clothes and my hair, and all the merch stock. God I sound like a non-smoker, but England has programmed me in to hating smoking in doors. And it only gets worse ‘cause you get used to it, so that when we hit a venue that we can’t smoke in, it’s like cold turkey all over again. Urgh, long.

Ilia’s voice is amazing, I mean I actually get to watch their whole set through, with no interruptions and the Fading are awesome. Not really thrash, more melodic death metal. They put on a great stage show. Elad the bassist walks straight off stage while playing and comes over to me and says Hi! Silly beggar, it really is that empty! We are all in stitches at this point. Ilia interacts with the whole band, bounding around the stage between members, hitting the symbols with his mic, getting Arie, one of the guitarists to shout some of the lyrics. The Fading play a really strong set, and there are now just over 20 people. It is a credit to a band when they play their hearts out to A. An audience that is less than 12. And B, to an audience that is totally non-committal and just stands there starring.

Man I feel ill. Warbringer come on stage to between 30 -40 people, and The Fading come past me on their way to get stoned. They all seem in good spirits and joke with me on the way past.

John Laux is straight on to the floor with the audience from the get go, the guy in a wheel chair in front of him is getting the full might of Laux’s guitar shredding solos right up in his face, Laux windmills and head bangs his way through the songs as back up on stage, Kevill introduces the next song ‘Living in a whirlwind’. I fucking love this song, its rhythm section is awesomely tight and intense and I’m fucking loving it. Warbringer are so contagious to watch. Sometimes, Kevill reminds me of a young Mike Pattern on speed. He is truly a righteous front man.

The Spinal Tap qualities of the night continue to unfold around us as, a group of four normal looking girls make their way to the front, to the stage and just start dancing like they are at a school disco. Nic spots them from behind the drums and starts laughing. Kevill looks bemused but carries on and Adam does a double take when he comes up from under his long head banging hair for air. Lyall and me are pissing ourselves, the Evile guys are at the side of the stage pissing themselves, and as soon as the Fading come back and spot them, they are too.

Finally, some one comes and buys something! This fella with a strong American accent and a short, back and sides. Army!? Sure enough , he is Army Police, based up the road and loves Thrash. I introduce him to Kevill, who has just rocked up to the stand having finished his set. The dude was up the front the whole time rocking out. Random meetings of random people on tour fucking rules, other peoples lives are so interesting to pass through I think.

The normal girls have been discovered by the Fading and are in the process of being chatted up. Apparently Laux put them on the guest list? All the guys are taking the piss out of them so much I think he is slightly embarrassed and seems to make himself scarce somewhat! Adam comes to hang with me and bum a smoke, he reckons he only managed 2 of his 8 solos ‘cause he was too stoned and played shit. I’m not musically educated enough to have noticed and tell him so, whatev’s’ eh.

Just as I dash of to the toilet, again, I notice The Fading’s guitarist Paul taking some normal girls up in to the bus. When I get back I give Lyall the heads up and he marches over there and turfs them all off. Too many personal items on that bus to be having groupies on it that no one knows. To the dressing rooms instead. Bless! Lyall and me suspect we have a case of the ‘tom tits’ which doesn’t bode well for bus call, which is creeping up fast.

Evile have the biggest audience, ooh 40 maybe?! The mix of music played over the speakers between sets is bizarre to say the least. Melodic death metal tracks followed ‘My Sherona’ followed by Volbeat? The merch sales are quite expectedly utter shit, Wrexham 2 for sure. I pack up, we load out and I hang out with Matt at the front of the bus.

Just to top this shit but amusingly shit day off, I watch the crystal Skull with some of the others. Laux can’t watch it again, apparently it’s so bad he had to go out and get wrecked after watching it when it came out. 15 minutes in I can see what he means. God it really is shit. I want that bloke who did the Phantom Menace reviews on You tube to do one on this, he might explode with frustration at it’s shitness having said that and be unable to complete a full critique.

Evile Infecting Nations 2010 tour. Tilburg.

So Tilburg has broken me. Well, the ‘Mayor of Tilburg’ a certain Mr. Fozzy has. Fozzy is a good friend of mine who I met years back when he was drum teching with maybe Deicide? I was a bouncer at the place they played in London and we have bumped in to each other at parties ever since. At some point we started keeping in touch via email and I go to any gigs he works in London. The tables have now turned it would seem though because for the first time, I am in his hometown working with a band and he is on our guest list and coming to see me! Needless to say mayhem and trouble ensues, but first the day must begin and play out.

Freezing fucking freezing. I get up early after setting my alarm, which isn’t that early because I never changed time zones on my mobile. Dick. I sit myself up front, everyone else is pretty much asleep still I think, and I write blogs for hours. I am so absolutely freezing that this becomes a heinous task, my fingers are numbing, my toes hurt, I want to be warm so badly.

On arrival of Tilburg, and the venue we will be at tonight, I am over whelmed by how fucking great Holland is. In fact, I don’t want to leave. I want to live and work in this venue for the rest of my life. The best dressing room in the world is at our disposal, it’s not even a room, it’s like the entire fucking basement level of the venue. Showers, a kitchen with Chef, each band has its own fully stocked and spacious dressing room, wi-fi that works, and smoking rooms. Even Lyall has his own office!

The smoking room is a big glass box, with sliding door and massive ventilation duct, like a powerful as fuck distracter fan thing. It’s fucking rad, and they are all over Tilburg. Why for the love of god do we not have these in England. Other than the fact England is shit because the government don’t treat us plebs to such wonders in case we all suddenly become happy. Bastards.

I shower and spray myself yellow / orange and trot off upstairs to set up my merch stand. In the bar tonight so no gig watching for me alas. Not that arsed, Fozzy will keep me company. Near door opening time I start getting mega stressed. See, today I have to work with Euros, so all the labels need changing and I have to get used to another currency. I’ll be fine in half an hour but right now I’m freaking out. I get my food before the kitchen shuts and leave it in Evile’s dressing room ‘cause there ain't no time for eating right about now! It’s a go go situation and I’m on the stall just as people start streaming in.

I’m kinda nervous about the currency thing and it takes me about an hour to learn all my coins and then I’m all good. Warbringer are selling more, they have four European tours under their belt and Evile expected this but it’s grating on me that I’m not repping the Evile camp better. See, every night I wear a different bands t-shirt, and tonight I’m rocking Warbringer. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m sure that doesn’t effect sales, even though I’m banging hot and all but still, feel like I’ve defected slightly.

I stock up on Evile tour shirts during Warbringer’s set and these start flying off the shelves. Thank fuck. Once again there are minimal visits from any of the bands because the dressing rooms are so darn nice, which is fair enough, I wouldn’t leave them either. Fuck ‘em anyway, Fozzy is here! Turns out, Fozzy is going to be drum tech on the Over Kill tour coming up, the same one both Evile and Warbringer will be on! Sweet, I have to get myself on that tour, it’s going to be fucking insane.

At this point in the evening’s proceedings, I just want to pack up the stall and go out partying with Fozzy, especially since we have a poxy 1 am bus call today. Boo that. Ah well, work is work and mine fucking rocks. The sound in this place is off the fucking hook, all the live music from next door is fed through the speakers in to the bar area where I am and it sounds like a C.D playing. It is the crispest sound I have ever heard in a venue, it blew me away and helped me come to terms with the fact that I am going to buying every album on this fucking stand with my measly wage. I can’t skank any more off them, I already have t-shirts, there’s only so much you can get away with eh!

Adam comes see’s me after the Warbringer set and says he thinks it’s the best he’s ever played ‘cause he could actually hear himself. Laux on the other hand, freaked out because it was such clear sound quality. Perfectionist.

I introduce Fozzy to everyone throughout the night, he already knows Lyall form the Exodus, Over Kill tour that Gama Bomb were on so they chat for quite a bit and I introduce him to Evile after I have packed up the stand. Near the end of the evening, a young man named Rolf comes by to purchase some thrash goods and get this….He asks me if I’m the Merch girl who writes on Terrorizer’s website!? I’m fucking international ya’ll! So Rolf, I said I’d put you in, your taste is clearly impeccable, and hope you had an awesome night my friend.

We also had a couple of thrash kids who had been at the London show. How’s this for dedication? They bought flights and tickets as soon as the U.K dates were announced, only to find out later that the bands would all be playing their home town. So they came to both! And one of them was ecstatic to have broken his finger in the mosh pit during Evile’s set, winners! He was over the moon bless him.

Packing up time and you better believe I got that stand down quick smart. I take Fozzy down to the dressing rooms with me where I go about posting U.K blogs and fuck that up momentously because I had him breathing down my neck and telling me to hurry up the whole sodding time. I literally posted the Bristol gig and haven’t even finished writing it yet. Loser. I’m not even sure I spell checked a few of them? I have an impatient party buddy right here though, one that I rarely get to see and I have less than two hours to get fucked up with him and whoever else is in, so fuck it, rock n roll living must always come first.

And it does, I start getting pretty trashed immediately, along with Ol and Ben from Evile, Laux from Warbringer, Lyall and a friend of Evile, Mirna. Before we know it, Fozzy has got us all on our way to a blinding bar, The little Devil.

Holy fuck we got out of our minds wasted. We played pool and talked utter shit for hours. All shop talk about touring and music, which is proper sweet, about Over Kill, Exodus and any other bands that any of the guys there have toured with. Fozzy is full to the brim with funny tour stories, they were swapped, laughed at and forgotten through drunkenness all within the space of that evening. We were having such a good time that we didn’t even notice that bar had shut at some point and they were so lovely, they let us stay! Shots ahoy eh!

Too soon but probably a good thing since we are fucked up, bus call creeps up on us and we taxi it back to the bus. Fozzy comes in for a bit and we carry on drinking, listening to music and generally fucking about and behaving badly. I see off in his taxi and Lyall and me stay up god knows how long, shooting the shit until finally reality calls us to our bunks and I fall in to one of those uncomfortable drunk sleeps which you just know can only result in the worst hangover of your life. Ah man.

Evile Infecting Nations 2010 tour. Part 10.

Standing outside of the bus, shuffling to keep from freezing while forcing in as many cigs as I can during this short stop with some of The Fading guys and a Warbringer, we look up and through the clear night sky a huge falling star shoots past us. Later England, Europe is already kicking your pasty fat arse.

Long story short, I am staying on the infecting Nations tour. Hopefully this tour will end at the end of February with everyone coming back in one exhausted and smelly piece.

When we woke up yesterday we were in Royston, home of our bus driver Steve, which was lucky ‘cause the bus broke down again and he knew of a farm that he could pull in to and wait while the tour bus mechanic came out and helped him fix it. So I wake up on some random farm, Arie and Elad from The Fading outside my window teasing a little Jack Russell that won’t stop fucking yapping. Still I’m out the door quick smart to irritate it too while getting in the first smoke of the day.

This farm is really random, we do not belong here at all and even the fucking dog knows. I do, having said that take this opportunity to steal a couple of wood palettes for the merch to go on top of in the trailer. As it currently stands, about 40% of all stock is getting fucking trashed by the water that sits on the floor of the quite clearly, leaking trailer.

Laundry gets done by Steve the driver, Elad from The Fading and Matt from Evile and myself, very rock n roll manly time going on right there. We dream of pub food up the road that we won’t have time to eat, we wander round some bizarre little odds and ends shop and buy stupid gifts for some of the others and we hit Tesco where I score two bottles of wine, all before driving off in to the sunset to Dover.

Me and Adam and Laux are drunk as fuck by the time Dover approaches, and spend the ferry ride stumbling around getting food, buying more booze, smoking and generally stumbling around drunk without our sea legs. And then, it became the Rape Ferry. Oh fuck not again.

The last time myself and the Evile lot experienced ‘Rape Ferry’ was going over from Denmark to Sweden or Finland or something. Scared the shit out of us. Turns out, it’s all about timing rather than geographical tendencies. There is a pattern. Between the hours of 11 pm and probably 6 am, it’s ‘Rape Ferry’ time. I walked up and down corridors just to show the guys this. Lone, stray men standing around, loitering all over the fucking shop. Even by the ladies toilets, which was a nice touch for my experiment I think. Although it was funny to come across it again, it was still fucking petrifying the amount of sexual violence these men had in their eyes towards me and once again me and the Evile guys shuddered with fear. Fucking ‘Rape Ferry’.

Back on the bus, I’ve cracked open one of my litre bottles of Malibu duty free purchases, Malibu is always the cheapest option and you can cheerfully drink it straight out of the bottle, eliminating need for cup and mixer which on tour is handy to say the least. I sit up the front with Joel, Adam joins us and we drink, they chat, I blog, and the ‘Front bus gang’ is formed. I blog until I can’t physically type any more from sore eyes and tired brain and take myself off to bunk leaving the other two talking about music, sipping on Joel’s not so secret and soon to be redundant stash of red wine.

Next stop, and first gig of Evile’s first headline European tour, Tilburg Holland. And we all know how Holland rolls!

Evile Infecting Nations 2010 tour. Part 8.

Evile will be playing Leeds today, which is as good as a home gig for them. The last time any of us were at this venue was for Mike’s memorial tribute show. Mike’s family and friends are coming tonight and I think it’s fair to say that there are nerves and sad feelings all about us.

Every day of this tour each of us has spoken about Mike, about how we keep expecting to see him, and the stabbing pain that quickly follows when you realise that of course, he isn’t coming out to smoke, or drink or help load in or eat with us or sound check or any of those things. Some of us see him in our dreams, that are so close to reality, like just dreaming about mundane day to day activities that when they wake up, they have to check themselves for a minute and remember that it was just a dream.

The Evile fans have been amazing, they are so supportive and sympathetic. Matt says a little something every night on stage and they play Mike’s song every night. He introduces Joel and the gig goes on. I guess I’m nervous tonight that some one will say something tactless to Joel, or that Mike’s family and friends get really upset seeing the band play without Mike, this is going to be a tough one for everyone I guess. Still, the show must go on.

Showers and food and setting up aside, we are surrounded by lots of friends tonight, and they turn up in dribs and drabs throughout the day. The most exciting and amazing visit however was easily won by a certain Miss Zeva Lilly and mum Hannah. At just a week old, we get to meet Joel’s adorable little new born girl in all her tiny glory! She is so cute I really had to hold myself back not to kick her carry case ‘by accident’ just so that she would wake up. My girl slept through Ben drum checking! She was in the hallway but still, little champ was like whatever Uncle Ben I’m sleeping! Awwwww bless her little tiny….I have got to shut up, jeez get a grip I don’t even fucking like kids. She was proper cute though.

Tony Drake came down early too and it was awesome to catch up with my ‘adoptive Dad’, he used to do the merch when Evile were starting up and so I can talk shop with him endlessly! Fucking blinding guy, could hang out with him all day listening to stories. I definitely have that whole ‘don’t want to let him down’ thing going on too though so I feel a bit star struck unworthy at the same time.

Sales are of the hook from doors open and Leeds proves to be the best merch night for all three bands by the end of the night. By a long shot. Fuck yes Leeds. I even get me some glamorous assistants throughout the night to keep me company and help out which is fucking rad and I’m over the moon to get some quality girl time in having spent the last week living with 15 men.

It was really nice to hang out with mike’s best mate too, although outside talking about him got me all welled up and the tears were never far off throughout that night. A tough night for everyone for sure. Joel found people couldn’t look him in the eye, Mike’s best mate had a hard time listening to people who had met Mike at gigs talking about him like they were best mates and mike’s family were amazing throughout the evening, talking to Joel and supporting the band. If I’m honest I was glad to pack up and get on the bus by the end of it. Me, Matt, Joel and Adam watched Clockwork Orange and passed round a bottle of Jager over greasy kebabs as the bus pulls off and we make our way to the next stop, Bristol.

By the time the next film is put on, Poltergeist, I’m tired and bummed out after listening to talks of Europe and how the guys are going to handle the merch stand since I am not able to join them outside of the U.K. Our current bus, which is big enough has to go back to the garage to be re-furnished, and the next bus will be smaller. To travel round Europe, each person has to have a legal and designated sleeping area and the downsize of the bus means less bunks and so unfortunately there won’t be room for me. This has been an on going up in the air situation since the start of the tour and it burns me thinking about having to get off at the end of the U.K leg.

I have made such good friends already within Warbringer and The Fading and will sorely miss all of them when we part ways in four days. All depressed, I take myself off to bunk and fall asleep listening to music, watching the road through my little bunk window.